I Don't Blame Ya....

Traveling, in theory, always seems glamorous. In practice it hardly is. I was in Seattle all last week, and the city, when you actually get to see it, is quite beautiful. It’s situated right on the water with snowcapped mountains as a backdrop. The problem is that you hardly get to see the city. I was there all week and the sun shined for approximately 3 total hours of my stay. It’s no secret that it rains constantly, and I was prepared for that. I wasn’t prepared for how early it gets dark. Dawn doesn’t seem to occur till around 9am and dusk sets in at about 4pm. The sun doesn’t even stand a chance, it’s only got a 7 hour window.

Anyways…when people say they love to travel what they mean is, they love the idea of going to Paris, sitting in the shadow of the Eiffel tower munching on a baguette. 

In reality, traveling is catching a 6am flight to Kansas City, working for the day, having your return flight delayed for engine trouble, and eventually having to sit next to an obese man on the way home.  

What makes traveling such a chore is everything that happens between departure and arrival, airports are a beat down at best. Never once have I ever heard anyone say “You know what, I really enjoy the airport” If you were to be an airport enthusiast think about the things you would have to enjoy:

Crowds

Price gouging

Confusion

Long waits

Incompetent employees

Security checks

Terrible food

Angry & ignorant fellow passengers

Inherently, these things are the opposite of positive and wouldn’t ya know, I got the pleasure of experiencing every single one of them this past week. But let’s focus on the airport security aspect of traveling here for a sec.

I think we can all agree that airport security (TSA) personnel aren’t exactly the crème de la crème of society.  You don’t hear about many TSA job fairs on Ivy League campuses. TSA doesn’t attract the best because the job is probably even more awful than it seems. But their lack of an Ivy League education isn’t the only issue. TSA employees also seem perpetually annoyed, frustrated, and depressed. And I don’t think I can blame them, in fact we’re to blame.

I’m old enough to remember traveling prior to 9/11. And it’s no surprise that security is a bit more invasive these days.  Here’s a quick anecdote to prove it….The first flight I can remember was relatively short affair from Dallas to San Antonio, a trip for me and my brothers to visit my Dad for a long weekend. As the day of the flight approached my mother grew increasingly nervous about sticking her 3 boys on an hour long flight without parental supervision. At the time my little brother Jordan couldn’t have been older than a 1^st grader. He too was scared, which is reasonable for a little kid. Unfortunately, his fear only served to increase my mom’s anxiety, and a vicious cycle ensued.  In an attempt to ease the concerns of all involved my step father thought it would be a good idea to show up to the airport with my little brother and tour an airplane prior to its impending take off. So a few days before the trip my step dad and Jordan rolled up to the airport and within minutes was sitting in a cockpit chopping it up with some pilots, and receiving a first class tour of the plane. No ticket, no special arrangements, no security. They just showed up asked if they could take a peek at the 737 and were granted full access.

Safe to say this type of situation wouldn’t happen today, we live in a different world. Security is tighter because it has to be. September 11^th changed a lot of things, but nothing more than how airports and more specifically airport security operates. But guess what, not a whole lot has changed since the airports reopened after the attacks. These strict “guidelines” aren’t exactly brand new. However, somehow those with the financial means to purchase a ticket, the intelligence to find their way to the airport, and wherewithal to locate the security line are incapable of following simple directions. It’s literally unbelievable.

Think about the amount of effort you need to go through to not pass through security at your first attempt. In the general area of security there are signs in multiple languages accompanied by pictures that expressly describe everything that needs to come out of the bag. Furthermore, TSA typically stations an employee in the “bag check” area who is borderline yelling these same instructions on a loop. In my estimation, those who set off either of the metal detectors had to consciously decide they wanted to anger all of their fellow passengers. To top things off these rules are not new. Now I know not everyone has the “pleasure” of being a frequent flyer, but everyone has a general idea of the do’s and don’ts. Yet, without fail, each trip to the airport is met with a delay in security because some fool is surprised they’re not allowed to bring their pocket knife, or totally forgot take their laptop out of their bag. It’s insanity.

And as I was sitting in an incredibly long line this past week, I saw firsthand how terrible being an airport employee really could be. I was making my way through security when I heard the familiar line from a TSA employee about making sure all laptops were in a separate bin. But something was different, this guy was trying to spice things up a little bit. Interspersed between the informational announcements were little jokes to try and make the process a little less arduous.

For example, “make sure that all large electronics are taken out of your bag, laptops, gaming consoles, microwaves, death stars, copy machines etc.…” The line was long enough for me to hear this spiel a number of times.  Eventually I progressed to the point where it was my turn to actually partake in following the directions, and again the familiar voice rang out. But to everyone’s dismay the line came to a screeching halt. Someone had forgot to remove their lap top. This information was promptly relayed to the man barking the instructions. So once more he reminded my fellow travelers about the general rules of passing through security, and the process commenced. But within 30 seconds the line stopped again as another lap top was not correctly placed in a bin. The disappointment and defeat on the TSA employee’s face was unmistakable as his head lowered with an audible sigh. After a short pause he started making announcements again, but this time it was different. No upbeat tone, no little jokes, just pure information with a palpable tone of anger. I honestly could see the naivety depart as this man transformed from a greenhorn into the jaded and angry TSA personnel we all know and love.  And I can’t blame him.

These type of situations are everywhere, employees in industries or jobs where they are placed in jobs guaranteed to force them into being terrible, rude and dejected.  The front desk workers at the DMV, flight attendants, the Cafeteria Lunch Ladies from high school, TSA personnel. I usually just assume these people are terrible at their job because they lack the ability to do it successfully.

In retrospect, I’m willing to bet they’re terrible at their job because the people they deal with on a daily basis are impossibly difficult. Maybe those folks at the DMV appear to be jerks because they’ve had to repeat the same answer to the same driver’s license question every day for the past 2 years. It’s like Groundhog Day from hell.

Here is the part of the post where I’m probably obligated to remind everyone that each person should give 100% regardless of what it is they’re doing. And there are a lot of sports clichés I could use to elaborate to that end. But I’ll spare you. Partly because I know that if I was faced with a job as terrible, thankless and mind numbing as repeating TSA instructions I would be popping Prozac like I was Tony Soprano. I don’t blame these individuals for being easily frustrated or always one second away from punching a hole in a wall, their customers are morons.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not fixing to pivot into a plea for everyone to be “more understanding” or to not judge a man till you walk two moons in his moccasins or whatever… I might understand why (for the most part) TSA personnel are terrible at their job, and I don’t blame them for hating their life. But this doesn’t make my trip to the airport, or trek to the local DMV any less of a chore.  Instead I’m using this platform as a plea to these institutions to start separating their customers by IQ level. Think about the changes this could mean for all travelers. While the inept try to one up each other with inventive ways to not follow instructions, I can zoom through security. This will allow me quicker access to that $15 hamburger, and my middle seat between two obese men on my delayed departure.