Fandom

Let me begin by apologizing, because I haven’t blogged in a year. I’m sorry, I’ve simultaneously been busy and lazy. But it’s time to turn over a new leaf.

I will attempt to put out at least one post a week for the next 5 weeks. This decision to write is not because I have been sitting on a gold mine worth of material but because I occasionally get the itch to write. Plus I have a 5 week break from grad school so I have some mental capacity to spare.

I typically follow through with my goals, so there is a good chance that these posts will actually happen. However, there is also a chance I might get bored, or busy (watching NBA basketball, or the Sopranos, or Fargo, or Nathan for You, or some cooking show) and just not do it. I’m hoping that by announcing my intentions the world will keep me accountable to my stated goal. But then again I usually don’t care what other people say about me, so no promises.

Almost everyone enjoys sports, but not everyone would or should consider themselves a fan. There is a difference. See, my mom would tell you she likes sports. But what she really means is that she likes going to the local high school football games to chat with her friends and watch the band play. She is objectively, not a fan. “Fans” don’t enjoy sports. They don’t view games as a means to enjoy the ancillary aspects of the event. Enjoy isn’t the right word for a fan because it implies an inherent sense of joy, or happiness. Fans don’t enjoy sports because their happiness is bound directly to the outcome. 

Now, for the sake of the rest of this post, I’m going to clue you in on the tiers of my fandom. Here are my favorite teams, ranked by importance. This means that the team listed on top is obviously more important than the one listed below, and I would rather see the first team succeed over all the other teams listed.

(1)                  San Antonio Spurs

(2)                  Dallas Cowboys

(3)                  Baylor Football

(4)                  Baylor Basketball

(5)                  Atlanta Braves

So long story short, the San Antonio Spurs are my squad, and to be completely truthful the gap between the Spurs and every other team is monumental. This make sense, because basketball is my favorite sport, so naturally my favorite basketball team should and does garner the bulk of my attention. But to be brutally honest I probably care about this team a little too much. Not on like a tattoo predicting a championship, attend the NFL draft, comment on message boards level…those folks are insane.

My fandom is a slow burn, a consistent amount of constant attention. Like watched every Spurs game for a calendar year,  reads Spurs blogs daily, spend time on the ESPN trade machine creating fake trades to improve the team, constantly tweeting my thoughts on the team even though no one cares, fandom.

But this blog post isn’t my ode to that incredible basketball team.

It isn’t about my first memories of the Spurs at the Hemisphere Arena involving Terry Cummings,Willie Anderson and Vinny Del Negro (not exactly Hall of Famers).

Or about being obsessed with stuffed crust Pizza because the commercial featured my favorite player.

Or being devastated after that same player won MVP and then got torched in the playoffs.

Nor is it about the All-Star game at the terrible Alamodome.

Or about how the trajectory of the entire franchise changed upon winning the draft lottery and the right to pick a center from Wake Forest.

It’s not about the 15 straight years (and counting) of 50 plus winning seasons, the 5 championships or some of the most beautiful basketball ever seen in the NBA

It’s an examination about why I care so much about a bunch of tall sweaty men I’ve never met and their ability to throw an orange sphere through a metal circle.

As with most “fans” I didn’t choose the Spurs, the Spurs chose me. This is how most fandom begins. I spent my formative “fan years” living in San Antonio which has exactly one professional sports team (if you don’t count the indoor minor league hockey team…. Go Iguanas). 95% percent of my extended family lives in San Antonio and I’m down there for every conceivable holiday or important occasion. 99 % of my family (save my older brother, he likes the Mavs, more on him in a sec), are Spurs’ fans, my 85 year old grandma loves them, my cousins are as obsessed as I am. My Dad (a huge fan) refuses to watch any game that matters because he thinks he’s bad luck. There was no choice, bleeding silver and black was unavoidable.

Let me take a moment to state something you’re probably doubting, I fully realize that the time, energy, and money I spend on the Spurs has zero impact on the team. I’m also aware there are far more important pursuits. I’m a fan, not an idiot. Yes I’m aware that if I spent that time, energy, and money on sheltering abused animals, or clothing the homeless we’d all be better off. But take a second and think about your favorite hobby, think you could make a difference in the world if you put some of that time/energy/money to some charitable pursuit? Please, spare me that rhetoric.

I’m also aware that if I stopped being a fan tomorrow, the team would still exist, there material successes wouldn’t be effected and the players wouldn’t even notice. I obviously don’t cheer for this team because I believe the team needs me to, or because they added my favorite player. I don’t support the Spurs because I feel like I can make a difference.

When you break it down to the most basic level I cheer for laundry, I’m logical enough to realize this. In the case of the Spurs I cheer for a bunch of dudes because they are wearing shorts with a matching black and silver tank top that is adorned with a cowboy accessory.

Now, granted there are exceptions but it generally comes down to the name on the front, not on the back. We’re tied to organizations not individuals. That’s why fans are crazy. Someone who they have no relationship with puts on the right colored gear and we cheer for them like family. It’s ridiculous. Why do you think Cowboy fans can cheer for Greg Hardy? Most would Cowboys fans would objectively tell you he’s a terrible person, but he puts on a blue star and these same people cheer him like he’s Christ entering Jerusalem on Palm Sunday.

The fact is that when you’re a “fan” you can’t quit your team, it’s an addiction.  Now some people cherry pick their favorite teams (I did this with baseball). I generally don’t have an issue with this as long as you are consistent. Quick shout out to my PaPa who conveniently chooses the most successful teams (recently Cavs, Alabama etc...) and supports them.  My older brother is a better version one of these “choosers.” He resisted any favorite team of the family and forged his own path, a borderline unforgiveable offense. He’s a Packer, Mavs, UT, Cubs fan. At a young age he selected his favorite teams, and has stuck with them through thick and thin. His connection to these teams although strong, will never get to my level (which might be a positive thing) It can’t. 

Choice implies the ability to change, to decide to choose again. Being born into fandom is like being born into a family, while choosing a team is the equivalent of marrying into a family. Both are supposed to be forever, but only one of them comes with an (regretful, painful, terrible idea) escape clause. Even if my parents are awful I can’t change it. And that’s the rub, because often being a fan does suck.

The “highs” of being a sports fan are tough to top.  Some of my fondest memories revolve around the sports championships of my favorite teams (did I mention the Spurs have 5?).

My dad getting me out of bed to finish watching the Cowboys win the Super Bowl with him in 1993.

Sitting by myself in the back room at my uncle’s lake house in 1999 to see Avery Johnson nail that game winning jumper.

Watching the Spurs clinch the 2014 finals (after coming so close in 2013) with my brother on Father’s day and calling my Dad to celebrate.

But ask me how I felt the next day, and I go blank. I mean I’m sure I was happy, that I was excited and proud, but those feelings were fleeting at best.  I remember some details, but they fade in time. The lows of being a fan are a different story, the tough losses are eternal.

Ask me about Derek Fisher’s .4 second shot and I can tell you everything, about the plays before where I was, and what my Dad said right before he shot it ( I believe his “I’m not watching the games stance started after this game)

Ask me about Ginobili’s and 1 foul on Dirk in game 7 of the 2006 Western Finals and I can tell you intricate details about the entire series, who I was with, what seat I was in, and how all my Mavs fan friends rubbed it in for weeks.

The worst was Ray Allen’s corner 3 in game 6 of the 2013 finals.  I can describe how my uncle predicted we’d lose before Kawhi even missed the free throw, about the general malaise in San Antonio after the game, about how I called my Dad and told him we were about to win then being beyond devastated when we lost.

These losses stick with you, they eat at you. They never go away. These losses incited anger and frustration. I’ve destroyed property, loss sleep and said things I’d be embarrassed to tell my mom about. Are the wins worth all this trouble? The quick answer is yes, because hope springs eternal.

Granted the Spurs are tough to complain about, they’ve been the class of the league for almost 2 decades and routinely top ESPN’s “franchise rankings” so as a fan I’ve been #blessed.

But what about my second favorite team, the Cowboys. They won 3 Super Bowls before I reached puberty but I’ve watched them toil in mediocrity and stupidity since. They’re currently led by an incompetent GM and meddlesome owner (they happen to be the same person) yet still, my fandom continues. I still watch games, still get fooled into believing they have a chance to win every game. Nothing is too egregious to keep me from supporting them. Blow the draft on a yearly basis? I’m still in. Sign over the hill free agents to bloated contracts? I’ll still buy the merchandise. Routinely blow late leads? I’ll still pour over the schedule to see if the playoffs are even a remote possibility. You’d think I’d be so beaten down that I’d consider taking my fandom elsewhere. But that’s impossible.

So why do we do it? Why are any of us fans?

I know these are going to sound ridiculous but stick with me here…

Part of it is a need for belonging, to be connected to something that is bigger than ourselves. Everyone has a desire to be a part of something to support or believe in something that is larger than themselves, to belong to a group. Anytime I meet a Spurs fan in DFW we have an instant connection, something we can talk about. We take pride in being in exile together, relish the opportunity to band together and discuss how superior the Spurs are then the Mavs. What about when you discover that someone else enjoys your favorite hobby, do you not enjoy discussing it with them? I’ve met countless people because I was wearing a Baylor shirt. This isn’t because they think green and gold is aesthetically pleasing, it’s because they want to talk about how they think Baylor is going to do this Saturday.  Think about the pronouns fans use to talk about their teams, not them or they, but us and we. True fans feel that they are a part of what’s going on.

Part of it is we need a distraction from the things of this life. Story after story came out about how the Saints helped New Orleans citizens recover from Katrina. Now I think some of that was overblown (no pun intended) but there is no doubt that in the face of tragedy a 3 hour release has intrinsic benefit.  But it doesn’t have to be something serious, it can be as simple as having an event to look forward to this Saturday afternoon. Something to make plans around that can help the monotony of (cubicle) life pass by. I’ll spend weeks looking forward to a marquee game for the Spurs. I’ll block it off on my schedule, and make sure nothing gets in the way.

But most importantly we’re fans because the highs (as fleeting as the might be) and the prospect they might come again entice us to hold on. We want the opportunity to take pride in being able to say “I never gave up on this team” or to proudly boast “I always believed”. This is reason enough to continue. We’re addicted. I’ll still tune into Cowboys games because I’m a sucker and always will be. Even when the Spurs eventually (God I hope this doesn’t happen) slide back into mediocrity, will still have my support.

Or we might all just be insane. Either way, I’m in. Now if you will excuse me I’m late for a date with Wednesday night’s Spurs vs Milwaukee Bucks game that is saved on my DVR.