N.E.R.D.

If you are in the mood for a completely unnecessary 1,000 word post about how to be devoted to a geeky pastime and not be a social pariah this post is for you. If not turn back now...

A few days ago, during lunch with a couple of friends I was treated to a well described account of an awful first date. Besides providing laughter and a impeccable blue print of what not to do, the story also inspired this next post. So I would like to take the time to thank my friend. One for her willingness to share and two for her ability to be incredibly kind to those struggling Christian Romeos.

Without hearing the story first hand or knowing the entire situation I wouldn’t expect you to find this recap of the date incredibly interesting or humorous…. Just know that our Juliet was required to drive 45 minutes to meet said Romeo, was criticized during dinner for eating meat and had the pleasure of listening to his lyrical, instrumental and vocal “talent" on CD. Alas, the mixture of these travesties does not yield the crux of today’s post. What intrigued me most was Romeo’s insistence on constantly referencing his love for Lord of the Rings and his exasperation that Juliet’s adoration of all things fantasy did not equal his own.

In her recount of the story my female friend concluded with this approximate statement, “Lord of the Rings is fine, I know plenty of guys that I enjoy who really like those movies….but his devotion was over the top.” Finally we have arrived at the topic in question. At what point does an affection for somewhat “nerdy” movies, pursuits etc…become too much?

There is no doubt that the idea of being a “nerd” or enjoying things that might have at one time been considered nerdy is firmly planted in pop culture. This reality crosses all socio-economic barriers, and the examples are everywhere.

Television – Big Bang Theory has routinely (and surprisingly I might add) been a top rated show. 

Or for the older crowd… what about comic loving, and OC dwelling nerd hearth throb Seth Cohen.  

Sports – The who’s who of NBA stars routinely dress up in fake black square rim glasses and other seemingly nerdy attire

The point of this post however is not to prove that a “nerd mentality” has infiltrated our culture, it is to point out that society at large has determined that a correct, socially acceptable, amount of an otherwise “nerdy” pursuit exists.

Immediately, one would assume it is the relative degree of fandom that determines if it socially acceptable. On the surface I would disagree. For instance, one of my best friends is obsessed with Star Wars…like attended a convention within the past few years obsessed. (On a side note he ran into another one of my best friends at this same convention…might be time for me to branch out). 

Anyways, this person is liked by everyone I know, recently got engaged, is good at sports, funny, intelligent etc. So obviously it is not as simple as the amount (or degree) of his fandom…. Why is he socially acceptable? It’s simple, what separates him from Romeo in the story above is two things: his ability to read social situations and to relate with people on multiple levels.

Read Social Situations:

A problem exists when you have the inability to determine if other people share your passion. Romeo could not ascertain that his date was completely uninterested in Lord of the Rings. Throughout dinner he consistently talked about it, criticized her for not being a fan and tried to encourage her to see the upcoming prequel. At the conclusion of dinner, and on the way to the car, after his date made it obvious she was completely uninterested throughout the conversation, he found it appropriate to launch into a monologue about naming his car after the mythical horse “Shadowfax”. 

When your love for something inhibits you from seeing that other people don’t have the same passion, you’ve crossed the line. In contrast, those who are deemed socially acceptable have the ability to determine if others might not possess the same affection and choose not to disclose the true depths of their fandom. We could call it a “need to know basis.” If their love for Star Wars seems to equal yours, try to top it – they need to know you mean business. If they can’t tell the difference between and “X-Wing” and a “Tie-Fighter”, then it might be time to pump the brakes. 

Relate to people with other interests:

A problem exists when you haven’t developed other interests. This problem is closely related to the first. If the “nerdy” pursuit consumes your whole life: when it is all you talk about, all you care about it might be an issue. Those who are socially acceptable have the ability to relate to people on multiple levels. In the date mentioned above the (perpetually) eligible bachelor obviously was not comfortable attempting to relate to his Juliet about other interests. Our Juliet made multiple attempts to steer the conversation to different topics. However, without fail he redirected the discussion back to his comfort zone (probably Minas Tirith) The inability to develop other hobbies, skills, and pursuits because you are too consumed with a fantasy is troubling. On the other hand, “normal folks” are not so obsessed as to forsake other forms of leisure. Instead of sitting in their parent’s basement trying to develop an Uruk-hai alphabet they get out and attempt to be well rounded. 

Let’s be real, the majority of this post applies specifically to guys. (Unfortunately) I haven’t met many females who love watching Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas traverse the vast plains of Rohan. However, women before you judge know that you are not innocent. Your obsession with the “nerdy” is just different. Ladies listen to Justin Beiber, debate the merits of marrying a werewolf or vampire, and fantasize about loving a dude named after a Greek taco. We’re in the same boat; everybody has a “nerdy guilty pleasure.” Fantasy exists in order to allow us to do what we can’t in reality. Women desire to enter fantasy to be wooed by their prince charming; Men enter it to locate said prince charming, expose him for the evil leader he is, and run him through with a mythical blade.

Listen, I might be biased. My fantasy resume includes Pokemon, the Redwall Series, and an undying dedication to Lost. Furthermore, I spent the better part of the past year nose deep in popular, young adult, science fiction/fantasy novels. The result: Harry Potter – better than expected, Hunger Games – vastly overrated, Lord of the Rings – superior to both. However, the degree of fandom is not the true test. It is possible (I hope, or better yet Our Only Hope) for healthy, functioning adults to engage in fantasy pursuits. Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Twilight, Star Wars, DC or Marvel Comics, it matters not. Be a fan, be obsessed, and spend endless amounts of time breaking down trivial aspects of the films/books, just don’t expect your date to share the same passion.