Big news….I got a haircut this week, only cost me $20 too
(tip included). For the most part I was satisfied with the look and value. This is not common.
I’ve never really been a fan of haircuts. Since middle
school, I can count on one hand the number of “successful” haircuts I have
received. It my surprise you that I don’t believe this falls on the shoulders
of my aspiring ProCuts hair stylists, or necessarily on my hair. For a long
time my lack of satisfactory haircuts was solely the result of the “style” of
haircut I desired. Against seemingly unanimous advice, I decided to stick with
the “shaggy haired highschooler” look past it’s expiration date, and well into
my early 20’s. Further complicating the problem was my mother’s (and eventually
my) insistence to make sure that I got my money’s worth with each cut. Scared
of making a superfluous purchase I routinely asked for a more than necessary amount of
hair to be taken off. The result was as an awkward look that made me appear as
if I was attempting to emulate a blond Harry Potter.
Now that I have progressed out of the shaggy hair phase, I
have become firmly entrenched in the professional haircut realm…, which brings me to the
story at hand. As previously mentioned, I was mostly satisfied with my most
recent cut. However, my attempt to get a more professional look comes with an
unfortunate drawback, I immediately look significantly younger.
The more I think about it though, this isn’t an issue
exclusive to yours truly. Most of the time hair is mentioned women immediately
come to mind. In true feminist fashion their need for relative equality in the world of hair has resulted
in reverse sexism. By hogging the lions share of attention females have masked an inconvenient truth. Haircuts are most important
for men. Women get their haircut and 99% of the time men don’t care
and 100% of the time can’t tell the difference. This isn't the case for men, even the legally blind can tell a difference and women always care. I feel like most guys go into a potential haircut just trying to avoid disaster. More importantly though for some reason any
time a boy (or man if you fancy yourself as such) cuts his hair he falls prey
to a follicle Benjamin Button complex, and instantly appears 10 years old. This is good news for those rapidly approaching a mid-life crisis. But for a 26-year-old guy who
still gets carded at rated “R” movies, looking younger is not positive, nor
needed. This aging phenomenon happens to my friends, my brothers even my Dad. I
think it’s all of the precise edges and straight lines that cause
us to reverse our age. All I know is that I leave the barber expecting my mom to remind me to "smile big" for school
pictures at Anderson Elementary.
Regardless of the reasons, the truth remains all haircuts
initially suck for guys. Now within a week, the hair starts to grow and it
stops looking like the barber used a protractor. At this point my relative age is
restored, and I stop wondering how I did on my latest spelling test.
Think about it though, women don’t face this dilemma. Now
I’m not going to pretend to know anything about feminine hairstyles (well besides
my hatred of pronounced bangs, but we’ll save that for another post). Layering, coloring, roots, extensions.....who cares? One thing
I am positive of is that short of a dramatic style change, a female’s apparent
age (and male's interest) isn’t altered. Lucky them. Does this make up for their burden of
childbirth? No, but is it close? Absolutely.
